The Off Days
Did you ever just get stuck in days where everything feels off? I'm currently here. I'm down on everything, feel miserable, and just want to cry. In fact I have, a few times actually. It started a few weeks ago. I found a picture of myself from a few years ago and it literally stopped me in my tracks. I looked great and yet I remember thinking taking that picture that yea I guess I don't look that bad but definitely didn't think I looked good. Now looking back I would kill to be there again but instead I'm here, struggling to stay on track.
My issue isn't working out. I love exercise and have been pretty consistent getting workouts in 5-6 days a week. I love my crossfit box and I love my at home program. They both make me feel proud of myself and give me so much confidence. They both come with a great community that pushes and encourages me. But then I go to try on clothes that aren't gym clothes and I cry. Literally every time. I'm not comfortable, I don't feel good in my clothes and it is one of the worst feelings around. I am in the rut with my diet and I just can't stick with it. I have no excuse so please do not take this as me making excuses because I just don't have one. I know how to do it, am equipped to do it yet I don't do it.
I am currently starting a new macro program. It has been about a week and I guess it is going ok. As much as I want to lose weight I care more about feeling better in my own skin than the number on the scale. I just want to be able to be happy with how I feel, though I do know I need to lose weight.
I am going to continue blogging about this new macro journey in hopes that it motivates me as well as someone else. I can't imagine I'm the only one feeling this way and since I know what a terrible feeling it is I would love to try and help at least one other person to start to feel better. So as I sit here writing this, and crying, I know I want more for my health because I know I deserve it.